Things to talk about before you get married

by Inma del Valle
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"ALT"topics to talk about before weddings"

Things to Talk About Before You Get Married by Rosa del Valle

"ALT"weddings in mallorca"

Rumour has it that when Jennifer Lopez was engaged to Ben Affleck, she asked him to sign a prenuptial agreement in which he promised to have sex with her at least four times a week. This ensured, or she thought it ensured, that he would not cheat on her.

Eventually they separated before getting married. It was never known if it was because he could not cope with the pressurnge or if 4 times was not enough for him. In general, the clauses of celebrities are more related to their pockets. One day they should explain to us why they want even more money than they already have. Sometimes I wonder if it will be so pleasant to sleep in a bed full of 500 euro notes.


Before getting married

A clear example of this excessive obsession with becoming Uncle Scrooge McDuck is Beyoncé. In her prenuptial contract before getting married with rapper Jay-Z, it was stipulated that if they separated before the first two years, he would have to pay her 10 million dollars. Not only did he not let that amount intimidate him, but he also cheated on her with another woman as soon as she got a bit confused.

Instead of leaving him, Beyoncé renegotiated the contract again so that if they separated within 15 years, he would have to pay her 1 million dollars for each year. And I ask myself: What need does this woman have to put up with one of the ugliest men on the planet putting such a weight on her head?

"ALT"topics to talk about before weddings"

Either way, your marriage will always be more authentic. You may not have as much money, but you will probably enjoy a little more of the good kind of love, self-love and love for yourself.

The vast majority of us are neither rich nor famous. We don’t have to think up stupid clauses to get attention and get people to talk about us. On our earthly level, the separation of property could be considered the equivalent of your: “I didn’t like this shag at all. Drop half a million dollars”.

Far more important than negotiating a possible divorce before getting married, which says enough about the high hopes you have for what you are doing, would be to try to speak out loud and clear on a number of issues that are best clarified before you take the big step.


"ALT"wedding themes"

Weekend in a small hotel in the mountains.

-Well, darling, here we are. We’ll have to talk long and hard. I’ve brought my list and you?

-What for? I’m sure we won’t have time to answer yours in the next three days. I come prepared with the answers, so fire away.

-All right, pour me a wine and let’s get started. First question: – Do you want to have children? If yes, how many would you like to have?

-We start off strong. If I knew, I’d have a gin and tonic. I’m not particularly worried about having children before getting married. If we have them, fine, and if we don’t, fine. As for the number, one or two at the most. I gave in on the plastic dragon for the ceremony, but in everything else I’m not going to imitate Sergio Ramos.

Important issues

-If you do, are you asking to be the good cop or the bad cop?

-I understood that we had to row in the same direction. I’m not going to let my children spoil my relationship with you.

-Interesting, point for you. And the money… Will we have separate or joint accounts?

-At the moment you earn almost twice as much as me so I think that’s for you to decide. I’m never going to argue with you about money, so you can do whatever you want to do about that.

I just hope that if one day I were to earn more, you would be as happy as I am now about the opposite.

-It seems to me that you’ve come very prepared for this talk. As for sex. Do you have anything to say?

-Yes, that we could leave this questionnaire for later and start now. I don’t know if that’s an answer for you. Hahahaha. Okay, okay… I’m getting serious. In the end it will be when you say, how you say and where you say. I’m psychologically prepared for that, but don’t expect me not to be all over you all day trying. My only demand is CLARITY.

-What do you mean, I have to have laser hair removal? -Now don’t you see clearly enough?

-Oh, my God! -Clarity about your expectations. I want to know everything you want and how you want it. I don’t want you to have some concern out there that I can’t resolve because I don’t have the necessary information and you end up looking for someone else to resolve it for you.

-Loud and clear. How much space do you need?

"ALT"topics to talk about at weddings mallorca"

The friends issue

-Just the right one, I can fit anywhere.

-You’re an idiot. Now all couples before getting married say that everyone has to have their own space and that it’s not necessary to be together all day. I want to know how much space you need.

-I love being with you. We share a lot of hobbies, so I don’t understand why we should spend a lot of time apart when our jobs already take up too much of our time. That doesn’t mean we can’t meet up with friends from time to time.

-That’s what I was getting at. Are you going to be mad when I meet my friends? Friends are for life.

-I totally agree. -Any more sections in that endless questionnaire or can we go back to that section we left halfway through?

-I haven’t finished yet. -Who’s going to do the housework? Shall we divide up the chores? Any particular chores you refuse to do? Are you going to be one of those people who uses the verb “help” as if it’s a favour?

-Slow down, slow down, slow down, you’ve already got a vein in your neck about to burst and I haven’t answered yet. I remind you that my mother had all the chores divided between the four brothers. She never had daughters and she said she didn’t intend to do anything with four men in the house. I have no intention of arguing with you on that subject.

"ALT"topics to talk about before weddings in Mallorca"


-That’s another tricky subject. Your mother, your brothers, sisters-in-law, nephews and nieces….

Family doesn’t have to be a tricky subject as you say. We are adults and we know where we stand. I don’t plan to meet them every day, but don’t stop me from doing so because my family will be my family for the rest of my life. If at any moment you don’t like them, they bother you, you feel an irrepressible desire to criticise them, call your friends and let off steam and I’ll do the same.

-I think it’s a good deal. I don’t mess with yours and you don’t mess with mine.

-Have you got much left? I’ve already had four glasses of wine and we should start thinking about cooking something if this is going to go on too long. If I keep drinking I’ll end up giving the wrong answer and I don’t want to fail. I’m dying to marry you.

-You passed the test. I want to marry you, too. Come here, Ben Affleck. It’s time to start honoring our “no prenup”.

Things to talk about before you get married

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